dolphonic© by simbarashe

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Should I join The O.C.?

OFFICIAL SIMBARASHE OPINION.


The O.C., much like 90210, is missing something that every television show should have: A Token Black Guy.

That's why Simbarashe (that's me, your friend and trusted neighbour) feels that The O.C. should not only have a token black guy, but have Simbarashe play THAT character.

Now, first of all, I'd need a character name. I know what you're thinking... "Simbarashe is SUCH a cool-ass name, why the hell would the network name him anything else?" Well, it's because if I have an ethnic name like Simbarashe, they'll want me to be ethnic. Meaning I'd have to sound like I was born in Africa. This already poses a problem because, mainstream non-ethnic Americans group Africans into 3 categories:

The Kenyans (they're cool, but they're no Americans)
The Ethiopians (aww... I feel so sorry for that boy...)
The F***'n Nigerians (honey, hide your wallet)

Now, if you're observant, you might see that I put an expletive in front of Nigerians. That's cos, whenever I hear casual people (not black) talking about Nigerians, it's cos they got caught running a scam, or something stupid. So I coined the phrase, F***'n Nigerians. Is it nice? Not at all. Does this make me a (tribal) racist? I'd like to think of myself moreso as a funny person. As an old white guy would say to prove he's not racist: Simbarashe's first girlfriend ever was Nigerian. ... heh ... but I don't have any Nigerian friends... How conviently coincidental is THAT!?

Look...now you got me off the topic at hand. Gonna have to sum this up and bring it back. I'm not Kenyan, Ethiopian, OR F***'n Nigerian. And I don't wanna be. So I need a new name. Here's the obvious choices:

1. Rodney
2. Leroy
3. Marcus
4. Eddie
5. Shawn (or) Shaun
6. Ice (.......seriously, bitches)
7. Sim

OK PROS n CONS on each:

Rodney: Easy to say + ... too close to Ryan -
Leroy: Easy to say + ... ghetto, but not fab -
Marcus: Nice name for a black guy + They're all named Marcus -
Eddie: simple and nice + the show already had an Eddie -
Shawn: pretty clean + Jay Z's name is Shawn. hmmm....
Ice: sounds hard + the show would get cancelled immediately -
Sim: my name shortened + too close to Seth (damn) -

Soo... survey says, my O.C. character's name is Shawn! Simple, elegant, and [not black enough] .. PERFECT. Ok, onto my character's premise.

Shawn's gotta have to be non threatening (we can't have that negative stereotype), but he should be a little funny (a positive stereotype). But he can't be funnier than Seth or else the sharholder will complain (a given). Shawn should be sexy. In fact, he should be sexier than Mischa Barton and Rachel Bilson, arguably two of the hottest chicas in the game. Shawn will fill that void left by Chris Carmack (that guy who said, "welcome to the OC, bitch!"), but in a way that is uniquely Simbarashe. This means that Shawn is metrosexual (like the current guys on the show), athletic (like the guys, minus Adam Brody), funnier than Ryan, and taller than the lot.

How does he get introduced? I say he was a bad kid back in the day, but now he's all positive. Let's say he was one of Sandy Cohen's old cases. Now Shawn gets transferred into the high school as a basketball recruit (yawn...stereotype, stereotype) but he visit's the Cohen's first to give Sandy the good news.

SANDY COHEN: Are my eyes deceiving me?
SHAWN: Well if it isn't the only guy I spent more quality time with than my dad!

*BUDUM- CHA!*

Shawn goes to school. He's legit (he HAS to be, no need for kicking the token black guy off the show, you know). Marissa thinks he's cute. Summer falls in love with him. Summer can't let Seth know about it. OOOH and Marissa could fall in love with him too, and they can have a fallout over a guy that neither are dating.

This of course means that Ryan and I ... I mean Shawn will be fighting. I'll let him win since he's the star of the show.

Well that's all for now. If I get any bright ideas, I'll let you know.

Let me know if I should appear on the O.C. and I'll come up with a formal propsition for Fox. Heh.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Much Ado about Nothing

FIFA World Cup applications topped 4 million last week. The governing body has not actually said how many allocations they're giving out. So .... it's all about waiting and crossing fingers..

Friday, March 25, 2005

New Site toys

Have you clicked on the ::ashburymusic:: link at the top of your screen lately?

:)

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

YAY! and Update!

Yesterday while I was at home cleaning I stumbled across a stack of Phat Pad CDs. Nothing unusual, since I recorded there a good part of 2003 to put the finishing touches on A Life in the Heights, (aka the frickin' LOST album). I loaded up a disc that had 'Mess Up' scribbled on it, for no other purpose than to relive a bit of nostalgia. But in Cubase, it unearthed the entire arrangement (as of the day I was in the studio). I got to tinkering around with it and realised that the entire album may indeed be remixable.

(that last sentence should've ended with an !, but alas, I may be on some other shit right now).

Anyhow, some points of interest:

The Multimedia section is in the course of being retooled. Currently (and for a formidable amount of time) you cn access all of the songs that have been uploaded to the site. Unfortunately there aren't any explicit lyrics markers, so if you're accessing at work, be careful for any of the ones that aren't unplugged. (There's only like one or two, but I'm not in it right now...)

The Smuggled Michael Jackson court tapes will be updated every Friday for the duration of the trial. I will also try and make a half-hearted goal to upload at least one song from my vaults on Fridays as well. I have 1000s of songs, so this won't be very difficult.

I'm thinking about expanding this site to include a pro audio section. I'll pre-empt this by putting the highest quality samples on first so people who aren't in the know know I'm legit.

That's all for today. Happy surfing duders!